The following is an excerpt from a conversation that took place in a chat room called “Banana Room” between my friends Evangeline, Jacob and myself. It consists of the most EPIC roleplaying session ever held. It is transcribed in it’s entirety. Be prepared to have your nuts and/or tits blown off…
Adam: Age/sex/location?
Adam: I put on my wizard robes.
Jacob: Lol
Jacob: I cast lightning level 100,000 and you dissipate because you are a level 2 peasant.
Evey: 15/m/Ft. Lauderdale.
Adam: I don’t recognize that spell.
Adam: It fizzles, and you wasted your mana.
Jacob: Lol I tap all my mana reserves and play my level 50 “what are we talking about” spell.
Jacob: Taylor will not join the banana room.
Adam: Why?
Adam: Tell him we are about to roleplay.
Evey: What the hell are we doing?
Adam: We are going to roleplay.
Evey: I just gave you my a/s/l and got nothin’.
Adam: Oh haha, I thought you were typing in the wrong window.
Adam: What kind of character do you guys want to be?
Evey: How does this work?
Evey: Can I be a 15 year old boy from Ft. Lauderdale?
Jacob: Hahah
Evey: My power is an overwhelming disdain for my parents.
Adam: No, be something cooler like a dwarf or a 16 year old boy from Ft. Lauderdale.
Jacob: With cigarettes.
Evey: Yep.
Evey: And warm Mountain Dew.
Adam: Jacob what are you?
Jacob: A level 30 can of beer.
Jacob: With a crazy straw that gives me +7 dexterity.
Adam: Okay.
Jacob: You?
Adam: I’m the Dungeonmaster, duh.
Jacob: Oh, ok.
Adam: Okay, so you were both called to town hall for a emergency town hall meeting.
Adam: The dwarf mayor addresses the crowd.
Evey: Hold on, Jacob is a can of beer??
Adam: Yes.
Jacob: I roll out of the fridge and down to the town hall.
Evey: I can’t stop laughin’.
Jacob: I’m cold and refreshing.
Adam (as the mayor): “Citizens of New Hasslefeld, a blight is upon us!”
Evey: Hahahaahahah
Jacob: Lolol
Evey: Ok, I pull up in my mom’s Geo Metro.
Jacob: I say hello to the boy’s mother.
Evey: Then my mom is like “WTF A TALKING CAN OF BEER” and passes out, so I take a 20 spot out of her wallet.
Adam (as the mayor): “A scourge of unholy proportions! Agrak the Horrible and his band of goblins has stolen our town’s most prized possession…”
Jacob: Goblins!
Adam (as the mayor): “The sacred golden cup of Bragadoccio!”
Jacob: I want.
Evey: Then you can pour yourself into it.
Evey: I want it to drink Mountain Dew out of it while i play Call Of Duty.
Jacob: It will give me +30 vitality.
Jacob: Lol
Adam (as the mayor): “I need a group of brave souls to pursue Agrak into the Mystical Mountains and retrieve our prized cup. Who shall take up the task?”
Jacob: I will steal the cup for my keeping.
Jacob: I shake up and spray beer on the mayor.
Jacob: We all party.
Adam (as the mayor): “My eyes! I am blinded!”
Adam: The town guards lock you up in jail.
Jacob: Then i roll the fuck out of there.
Adam: You can’t, you’re in jail.
Adam: And empty inside.
Jacob: I drink myself.
Adam: You can’t, you’re empty.
Adam: A WIZARD APPEARS.
Jacob: Oh, I was gonna start crying.
Adam (as wizard): “Hello, young can. My name is Goldstaff the Wizard!”
Jacob (as can): “Hey wizard.”
Adam (as Goldstaff): “Hey can.”
Jacob (as can): “Let’s party.”
Adam (as Goldstaff): “Wicked.”
Jacob (as can): “Get me out of jail wizard-face.”
Adam: He casts a Level 40 spell of beer filling.
Jacob: Awesome.
Adam: You bubble over with ale of the finest quality.
Evey: “Wicked” ahahahahah
Adam: Like a Miller Lite.
Evey: Where am I?
Adam: You’re still at town hall.
Jacob: I think you’re at the town hall?
Evey: I come to the jail and drink the wizard ale.
Jacob: You gotta pay them bail bonds.
Adam: The wizard says, “Who art thou that hast drinken my awesome friend?”
Evey: I hit the wizard with a level 50 sulking spell and he is so despondent he just lays down and starts listening to The Cure.
Jacob: I start to dance.
Adam: He mumbles “Friday I’m In Love”.
Adam: Over and over under his breath.
Jacob: I reach in the wizards pockets for stuff.
Jacob: Like his car keys.
Adam: You find a level 20 lighter and a baggie of sweetass wizard weed.
Evey: I pick you up and crush you on my forehead.
Adam: Oh shit.
Adam: Evey, roll your damage.
Jacob: /random
Evey: Um… 8?
Adam: Jacob, you are barely alive.
Jacob: /roll fake dice
Adam: Beer cans only have 9 hp.
Jacob: /dance
Evey: Hahaah
Adam: A VAMPIRE APPEARS.
Jacob: /laugh
Jacob: Oh my!
Evey: I say “You’re not my REAL DAD.”
Jacob: I die laughnig
Adam: “Oh, but you are wrong, mortal!”
Evey: Hahahah
Adam: “I fucked your mom in the back of her Geo Metro nigh on 16 years ago!”
Adam: “She was a total freak, man.”
Jacob: The plot thickens.
Jacob: I ask him for a beer.
Adam: “All I have is True Blood.”
Evey: I ask him for 15 years back allowance.
Adam: “And it’s Diet.”
Jacob: I attack the vampire.
Adam: He looks in his wallet.
Adam: THE VAMPIRE DISAPPEARS.
Jacob: I fall asleep.
Adam: A guard walks in.
Adam: “Hey, what happened to the prisoner?”
Evey: I pick him up and throw him at the guard.
Jacob: I cut with aluminum x 100.
Adam: CRITICAL HIT!
Adam (as guard): “My eyes! I am blinded!”
Adam: And also “My head! I am decapitated!”
Adam: He’s deadzo.
Jacob: Lol
Evey (as boy): “Good job, can.”
Jacob (as can): “Any time.”
Jacob: We roll out to the local tavern.
Jacob: I want to rent a pony.
Adam: Luckily, the Red Pony Inn is both a tavern and a pony rental agency.
Evey: Hahaha
Adam: A pony costs 12 gold.
Jacob: I roll to the stables and steal 4 ponies.
Evey: I only have my library card.
Adam: You can check out a pony at the Red Pony Library.
Jacob: Hahah
Evey: I want to use it as a fake ID.
Adam: Jacob, you get arrested and get thrown back in jail.
Adam: But the guard seems to be missing a head.
Jacob: I kill the people arresting me?
Adam: They throw you in jail for murder.
Adam: But the guard gots no head.
Evey: I‘m back at the pub drinking peoples empties
Jacob: I kinda like this jail.
Adam: A DRAGON APPEARS.
Jacob: I lean against the wall and play my harmonica.
Jacob (as can): “Hey dragon.”
Adam: The dragon roars “OH NO RAWRRRR HARRRMONICA IS MY ONLY WEAKNESSS”
Adam: And then he’s like “Hey can.”
Evey: I hear through the grapevine that there’s a dragon in town and run to the jail
Jacob: I spray beer on the dead guard.
Evey: I’m like “Oh shit! Can i ride you??”
Jacob: I steal some wizard weed and stash it for later.
Evey (as boy): “Hop on this dragon with me, can.”
Jacob (as can): “Dragon you will let us ride or I will harmonica you.”
Adam: The dragon says “Yes you can ride me, and bring your scrunched up can friend, there’s this loft party in Dollingswood and there’s gonna be crazy mass amounts of easy bitches there.”
Jacob (as can): “Party.”
Jacob: Lol, its 420.
Jacob: I roll my wizard weed and hand it to the dragon.
Evey: I bust out my level 15 Clearisil.
Jacob: We spray Windex on ourselves to hide the smell.
Evey: I hit the j and nearly cough up a lung.
Adam: The dragon is a lightweight and he crashes into the FOREST OF DOOM.
Jacob: Wait, we were flying?
Adam: Yeah. He’s a fast dragon.
Jacob: I dont fly.
Adam: Or was, now he’s dead.
Jacob: Well we’re in the forest, I start a fire.
Jacob: A forest fire.
Adam: The trees are all like “AWWWW FUCKKK”
Evey: I start flipping out and screaming like a girl
Adam: Roll your forest fire damage Jacob.
Jacob: /roll
Adam: CRITICAL HIT!
Jacob: 234523469
Adam: All the trees burn down, now it’s the DESERT OF DOOM.
Adam: You hear a voice from on high say, “Hold on a sec, I have a conference call.”
Adam (as voice): “BRB.”
Evey: Hahahaha
Evey (as boy): “Corporate fags.”
Jacob: I put my headphones on and take a nap
Adam: Thunder rolls and you hear the voice say, “OK I’m back.”
Adam: You all die.
Evey: I am happy because life sucked anyway.
