A chat that occurred between my friend Liz and myself when we first began speaking on gmail. I call it IMprov. (Get it, Instant Message?)
Liz: hey
Liz: i’m liz
Adam: Hi Liz, I’m Juan Carlos. I’m a 36 year old Columbian druglord.
Adam: What is this gmail? We do not have in my country.
Liz: never you mind that juan
Liz: can i give you an hj for some coke
Adam: You can give me an vj instead.
Adam: In my country, this stands for vagina job.
Liz: oh i see
Adam: This means the sex.
Liz: right i seeeeee
Liz: you drive a hard bargain
Adam: That’s what she say.
Liz: how many baggies of coke do i get for that
Liz: kngrnbsf’qphidoabn
Liz: THAT WAS MY HEAD HITTNG MY KEYBOARD
Liz: that’s what she say
Liz: woooo
Liz: breathe
Adam: This was confusing? In my county, this is joke.
Liz: STOPP YOU ARE KILLING LIZ
Liz: is juan gone?
Liz: i miss him
Adam: Juan was away from computer box.
Liz: juan, do you have a Polaroid camera and a scanner?
Adam: How quickly do you need them and do you need the serial numbers scratched off?
Liz: oh juan. this language barrier is really putting strains on this relationship.
Liz: and i’m tired of not doing coke
Adam: Vjs are international language.
Liz: how about you send the coke and then i’ll send you a vj
Adam: Ha, this is not my first rodeo Elisabet.
Adam: I know this trick.
Liz: ole!
Liz: i’m too afraid to ask you what i was going to ask you. i’m afraid juan will answer and then i will hurt my head on the keyboard
again.
Adam: Juan is gone now.
Liz: PROMIIIISE?????????
Adam: I swear on mi madre’s grave, may the fertile Colombian earth give her eternal rest.
Adam: Errrr
Adam: I mean…
Liz: GODDAMNIT JUAN!
